Funny relationship accusations for couples
Stolen blankets, an "I'm fine" that is clearly not fine, and the eternal question of what to eat tonight. These cards are about the little crimes only a partner would ever notice.
15 cards
Tap a card to send it to your partner. They get a hand of five excuses: the three below, written for that card, plus two random wildcards from the deck. Then you decide whether to believe them.
You came home carrying a mysterious bag and refused to explain it.- It's a surprise, but the surprise is that I forgot what it is.
- I am protecting a very boring secret.
- The bag has requested privacy until further notice.
You suddenly cleaned one specific corner of the house at midnight.- The corner had been giving me suspicious looks.
- I was responding to a highly localized burst of motivation.
- I had to act before the cleaning spirit left the building.
You said 'don't worry about it' in a tone that made me worry about it.- I was trying to deliver reassurance in a limited-edition format.
- My tone has a mind of its own and poor customer service.
- I wanted to keep your detective skills sharp.
You suddenly knew the lyrics to a song you claim to hate.- I was gathering intelligence on the enemy.
- The chorus is a hostile earworm.
- I hate it professionally, but I know it personally.
You were suspiciously cheerful after saying you had a terrible day.- I found a coupon for emotional recovery.
- The day improved after it thought nobody was watching.
- I was saving my complaint for the deluxe edition.
You said you weren't hungry, then ate half my dinner.- I was quality-controlling your meal. Very serious work.
- Your fries were making eye contact with me.
- I was preventing food waste. You should thank me and also order more.
You stole the blanket and acted surprised that I was cold.- The blanket migrated naturally toward my side of the bed.
- I thought you were practicing for an Arctic expedition.
- I was preserving the blanket's warmth for the greater good.
You asked what I wanted to eat and then vetoed every answer.- I was looking for the secret fourth option.
- I wanted to learn about your negotiation style.
- Those options were all excellent opening bids.
You said 'I'm fine' in a way that clearly meant the opposite.- I was using the advanced version of fine.
- The words were fine; the delivery had other plans.
- I wanted to see if you had installed the emotional update.
You started a story with 'you had to be there' and then gave no useful details.- The missing context is available in the premium version.
- I was preserving the mystery for a limited series.
- I assumed you had been there spiritually.
You stole my side of the couch despite having the entire couch available.- Your side has better narrative tension.
- I was checking whether your cushion was as comfortable as advertised.
- The couch assigned me here. Take it up with management.
You asked me to take a photo and rejected 19 perfectly good pictures.- I was looking for the exact angle of my soul.
- The lighting was telling a different story.
- I wanted one photo that would make my future enemies jealous.
You remembered an embarrassing thing I did years ago and brought it up at dinner.- I was sharing a piece of our cultural heritage.
- That memory had been waiting patiently for its moment.
- I was celebrating our relationship's rich archival history.
You started cuddling and then stole all the comfortable pillows.- I was building a cuddle infrastructure.
- The pillows naturally formed a protective perimeter.
- I was trying to optimize affection per square inch.
You asked for my opinion and then defended the opposite choice.- I wanted to make sure your argument had a worthy opponent.
- I was stress-testing your decision.
- Your opinion was excellent. I was just checking its security.
How it works
chaoscouple is a free game for couples, played over WhatsApp, iMessage or any chat app. Send an accusation, get an absurd excuse back, then deliver your verdict: Believable, Suspicious or Couch tonight. Next round, roles swap.Start a round.