Funny accusations to send your partner

Every card in the chaoscouple deck. Tap one to send it straight to your partner, or draw a random card.

The excuses

Your partner answers with one of these. Five are dealt for every card, so choose wisely.

• It's for the cat.
• That's from my other life.
• I was protecting you.
• Let's not make this about me.
• My mother put it there.
• It was like that when I got here.
• That's a future surprise. You ruined it.
• I don't recall, and that's my final answer.
• Technically, that was the old me.
• The neighbors did it.
• I can explain, but I won't.
• It's an investment.
• I was going to tell you on our anniversary.
• It's not what it looks like.
• I was testing you.
• The algorithm made me do it.
• It's a long story and you won't like the middle part.
• Mercury is in retrograde.
• I did it for us.
• My horoscope said to take risks.
• It's a cultural thing.
• Talk to my lawyer.
• I have no memory of this event.
• You were asleep, so technically it didn't happen.
• It seemed like a good idea at 2 a.m.
• I was sleepwalking.
• It's research.
• A man at the market said it was essential.
• I'll fix it before you notice.
• The dog has been acting strange lately.
• It's vintage.
• That was a team decision. I was the team.
• I panicked.
• My therapist says I should express myself.
• I read it on the internet, so it's true.
• Everyone at work is doing it.
• It's called self-care.
• I was going to return it.
• In my defense, I was hungry.
• I was raised by wolves.
• That sounds like a future-us problem.
• Let's call it a learning experience.
• It's an inside joke between me and the universe.
• I was emotionally unavailable at the time.
• My phone autocorrected my decision.
• The instructions were in Swedish.
• Blame the full moon.
• I'm a free spirit.
• I was distracted by your beauty.
• I thought it was a dream.
• My grandma always did it this way.
• It's for science.
• It was a limited-time offer.
• I was holding it for a friend.
• It came free with something else.
• I followed my heart. My heart has no sense of direction.
• It was on sale, so it basically paid for itself.
• I'm not saying it was aliens, but it was aliens.
• That's above my pay grade.
• I plead the fifth.
• My inner child insisted.
• Technically, you never said I couldn't.
• I wanted to see if you were paying attention.
• It's a prank. The prank is that there is no prank.
• The cat has been planning this for weeks.
• I was having a main character moment.
• It's part of my five-year plan.
• I was manifesting.
• Your mother would understand.
• Don't look at me, look at the situation.
• I trusted the process.
• I've been under a lot of pressure lately.
• I was trying to be spontaneous.
• Let me check my calendar and get back to you.
• That's classified.
• Somebody had to do it.
• I was keeping the economy going.
• It made sense in my head.
• My hands did it. I wasn't involved.
• It's a gift. For you. Surprise?
• Love makes people do strange things.
• I'm going through a phase.
• It's not a problem, it's a personality.
• You should see the other guy.
• I was in a different time zone emotionally.
• That's how they do it in Italy.
• It's a tradition now.
• Our future kids will thank me.
• That was my evil twin.
• I was told there would be snacks.
• Let's focus on the positives.
• I'll explain when you're older.
• I needed it for my vision board.
• The Wi-Fi was down. I had to do something.
• I'm a victim of capitalism.
• Can we talk about this after dinner? And dessert?
• It's not a mess, it's a system.
• I blacked out from excitement.
• My fortune cookie told me to.
• I'm not proud, but I'm also not sorry.
• That's between me and my snacks.
• It was a dare.
• I was trying to impress you.
• It's called being romantic. Look it up.
• Next question.
• I'm choosing not to engage with this accusation.
• My lawyer advised me to say: oops.
• I was building character.
• I did it so you wouldn't have to.
• Your honor, I have a family.
• It's a metaphor.
• That happened before we met.
• I saw it on a cooking show.
• I was going to frame it.
• It's handcrafted chaos.
• That's my emotional support decision.
• I asked the group chat and they said yes.
• It's an heirloom now.
• I'll make it up to you with pancakes.
• You inspired me.
• Have you considered that you're the problem?
• I was in airplane mode.
• That's fake news.
• Let's just say the raccoons know what they did.
• You can't prove anything.
• I was undercover.
• It's my love language.
• I wanted to give you something to talk about.
• Don't worry, I have a plan. Not a good one, but a plan.
• It's part of a social experiment.
• I thought you'd find it charming.
• My zodiac sign is chaos.
• Shhh. Just accept it.
• My ancestors are proud of me.
• It's not lying if I believe it.
• It was already broken. Emotionally.
• I'm saving that for the documentary.
• The ghost in the attic did it.
• I can quit anytime.
• I'm allergic to explanations.
• We live in a simulation, so none of this is real.
• That's what I call efficient.
• Let's not dwell on the past. It was ten minutes ago.
• I googled it and nothing came up, so it's fine.
• Ten out of ten people would have done the same.
• I was in a meeting with myself.
• Okay, but did you see how happy it made me?
• You'll laugh about this in five years.
• You told me to follow my dreams.
• I was saving the planet. You're welcome.